he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So apparently I’m into choking now
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