She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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