you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
