the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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