i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
