I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
