My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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