Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
