Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
