Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
