I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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