Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
