my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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