what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
