every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
