You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
