Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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