the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
