Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
