So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
