God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
