i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
