well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
