chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
