you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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