"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
