You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
