Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
