I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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