That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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