I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
