While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
