Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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