do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
