What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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