Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
