I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
