Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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