So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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