dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i will never coherently bang her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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