Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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