Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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