i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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