I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
