she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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