I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
