My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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