oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
