It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
