He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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