So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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