it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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